Jokes

Here are some jokes that I found funny! I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!

Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!

Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.

Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.

Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station!

Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.

Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?" A: "With a bee bee gun."

Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream.

Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it!

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light!

Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp.

Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus!

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!

Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the "spot."

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer!

Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well

Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.

Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course!

Q: What bow can't be tied? A: A rainbow!

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time.

Q: Where did the computer go to dance? A: To a disc-o.

Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed

Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".

Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? A: To get a tweetment.

Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A: A Clausterphobic

Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch

Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A: Because he had no-body to go with.

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones.

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In snow banks.

Q: What washes up on very small beaches? A: Microwaves!

Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? A: The road!

Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? A: The scientists were brainstorming!

Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune? A: Because he couldn't find a date!

Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? A: Hi Cliff!

Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? A: Show me the honey!

Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck!

Q: Why did the traffic light turn red? A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? A: I think I'm coming down with something!

Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot!

Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck!

Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? A: Post Office!

Q: What did the blanket say to the bed? A: Don't worry, I've got you covered!

Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed? A: To draw the curtains!

Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack? A: One! After that its not empty!

Q: What kind of button won't unbutton? A: A bellybutton!

Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Q: What dog keeps the best time? A: A watch dog.

Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: It saw the salad dressing!

Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on? A: It let out a little wine! 

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A: Odor in the court. 

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? A: Dam! 

Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other? A: They don't have the guts. 

Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours? A: Nacho Cheese 

Q: What streets do ghosts haunt? A: Dead ends! 

Q: What did the penny say to the other penny? A: We make perfect cents. 

Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop. 

Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? A: So he could have sweet dreams. 

Q: Why did the robber take a bath? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.  

Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and 
nothing but the tooth. 

Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! 

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An umbrella. 

Q: Why did the belt go to jail? A: Because it held up a pair of pants! 

Q: What happens if life gives you melons? A: Your dyslexic 

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: Stick with me and we will go places! 

Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? A: Flood lights! 

Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? A: Because they're all in High School! 

Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary? A: "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"! 

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most? A: The month of March! 

Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you! 

Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A: In case they get a hole in one! 

Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? A: Because he wanted to work over-time! 

Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? A: Because he wanted to see time fly! Q: When do you stop at green and go at red? A: When you're eating a watermelon! 


source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/schooljokes/kidjokes.html